This post is continued from part one on how to approach women, click here for the first part of the article.
Don’t analyze, just gut through it and do it. It’s one of those unique situations where unfortunately what’s going to change it is doing exactly what you fear the most. It’s a simple solution, but not an easy one. You have to put your head down and plow through it.
A good way to motivate yourself to do this is to look at your life and imagine how it would be if you didn’t do it. If you don’t make a habit of taking calculated risks and going for what you want, how is your life going to look in 10 years? Pretty much the same as it does right now.
You have to recognize that the fear is there, but you can’t let it rule your life. You have to do the things you fear doing. If you approach life that way, in all aspects, it will change your whole experience drastically. Look at it like that and you’ll see that you have to do the things you are scared of doing.
The whole problem stems from feeling that you don’t have something of value to add to the woman’s life. So you have to feel, true or not, that you are going to add value to her life. That’s the key to never having approach anxiety. Knowing you can talk to anyone and that you can make their life better. Make their visit to the restaurant better, make their wait at the bus stop or their shopping at the grocery store better. If you have the goal of making that person’s life just a little better, you’ll never have approach anxiety and you’ll have overcome a huge obstacle in how to approach women.
Here’s an extreme example: if you had a cure to cancer, you’d want to share that with the world, right? But if you weren’t confident in that cure, you wouldn’t. Same thing. If you think you really do have something to add to someone’s life by communicating with them—you will!
A genuine compliment is great. Or ask for advice. People like helping other people, so that’s a good way to open up. “I like the way you carry yourself,” or “I like the way you handled that situation” are easy ways to make that first contact.
The best approach I’ve ever used? Walk up and say “hi, I noticed that…you did a great job handling that situation.”
“You have a great necklace, where can I get one?”
I tell you what–it becomes fun when you start making someone’s day.
One major cause of approach anxiety is the subconscious thought that you want something from her., wheteher that’s a kiss or her phone number. Instead, if you go in with an attitude of, “what can I give to this person,” then you won’t ever have approach anxiety. It makes for a different goal for your conversation. It makes it a real conversation, not a manipulative one where one person is trying to get something from the other. It becomes an honest interaction at that point.
That’s what real pickup is, what the masters do. Not canned lines, magic pills, and the rest of the garbage some people pedal.
How can you benefit this person’s life, make a friend, make a person smile or laugh? Pickup is not the goal, it’s a byproduct of the interaction.
Amateurs make everything focus on attraction, when the focus is on the communication and interaction. When you focus on those two things, the attraction comes naturally as a byproduct. A great resource to learn more about this topic is Dale Carnegie’s classic book “How To Win Friends And Influence People”.
I’d suggest you read that book over and over as you learn how to approach women.
Also, here is another post on how to approach women that will really help you out.