How to Approach Women in Public
Ok, I’ve been getting lots of questions about how to approach women, so here’s a few quick pointers to effortlessly meet women in public.
First of all, after years of coaching guys, there are a few things that come up over and over. One is how to approach a woman. Second is how to keep a conversation with a woman going. And the third biggie is how to get things going sexually.
These first two are really pretty easy to solve, and if you can master meeting women, that same set of skills is going to work for turning things sexual.
Plus, when you get good at meeting women, you have a lot more options. So, mastering this mindset is going to do than just about anything I can think of.
Becoming used to approaching women and starting conversations with them will do more for your dating life than anything else I can think of.
And notice that I said “used to approaching women” and NOT “comfortable approaching women”. The fact is you are probably always going to be a little nervous. All of us are, the key is to simply do it in spite of your nervousness.
And yeah, I know. It used to scare the sh*t out of me too.
We just gotta do it.
Here’s a few quotes I tell myself, and they might work for you too.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Action conquers fear.
Courage isn’t not being afraid, it’s acting even when you are afraid.
You want to act, not think… because it’s the thinking that stops most guys from approaching a girl and starting a conversation with her.
In my experience coaching hundreds of guys one-on-one, I’ve found we are, way above average in intelligence.
And if you’re reading this, chances are that you’re pretty darn smart too.
But here’s the problem with that… we over-analyze situations and come up with good, sensible reasons not to go up and say “hi” to a girl. And not saying “hi” destroys just about any chance we have of ever meeting her.
Here’s what I want you to do the next time you find yourself standing there thinking of all the reasons you shouldn’t make an approach…
Understand that you are 100% right, give yourself credit for being smart enough to figure all those things out, and then…
Go talk to her anyway!
It might go well, it might not. But she’s gone after that. Out of your life. Poof… she vanishes, disappears, gone… unless of course you WANT her back in your life. But at least you have a choice.
There’s another problem almost every guy I work closely with has… he is much more aware of what is and isn’t socially acceptable than the average person.
My guess is that you’re the same… that you understand the social dynamics in situations much better that most people.
Now, in some ways this is a really good thing. Later on in a seduction you can get a solid read on a girl and protect a woman from awkward social situations with your intelligence.
But when it comes to going up and starting a random conversation with someone? Well, you know that that’s not “normal”. I mean who just walks up to some stranger and starts talking to them? That’s definitely not socially acceptable. But…
Once again… motion beats meditation.
Once again, whatever you have in your head telling you not to go talk to her, you’re right! And…
Once again, you might as well just go talk to her anyway.
Here’s what I do when I get those butterflies (this has worked really well for other guys too). Take two deep, calming breaths filling your stomach first, then your chest. Think to yourself, “Have fun!”. Walk forward. And start talking. (I’ll show you what to say in a bit.)
Now… there are some circumstances where it just doesn’t make sense to go up and talk to a girl.
So, I’m going to introduce what might be a new concept for you here. And with this idea comes the ONLY reason you can allow yourself not to approach a woman.
Enter Every Interaction With A Woman Intending To Give
Unless you can do that, it’s probably not in your (or her) best interest to talk to a girl.
You see, the major problem we have with approaching women, and the main reason guys screw it up is that they go in thinking about what they can GET.
They almost always want something from her.
That “something” might be a certain reaction or response… like a smile, or for her to be impressed, or to get her to like you.
It could also be something tangible like a phone number or a kiss.
But whatever it is, most guys, most of the time, want something from a girl when they start a conversation with her.
And along with wanting to get something from her, they care whether or not they get it…
That is a real problem when first meeting a girl because…
Wanting + Caring= Weakness
And that is just about the worst scenario you can have.
But, when you meet someone intending to give, you short-circuit this equation since you no longer want anything.
You keep the power!
It’s not about what you want to get anymore, it’s about what you can give.
And yes, when you first start doing this, it will be difficult to expect nothing from the girl. But as you do this more and more, your outlook will change drastically.
Not only will you want absolutely nothing from the girl, you will not care one little iota what she thinks of you, whether or not she is attracted to you, or if you get her number or not.
This is when approaching women actually becomes fun. Imagine having this mindset and being able to start a conversation with any woman at any time!
When you learn how to approach women, imagine the number of women you can meet. Imagine the choices you’ll have when it comes to who you want to date!
Now… to acquire this skill, you’re going to have to get out there in the real world and talk to women! No sense wasting your life.
When you got out and talk to women understand that you are ONLY interested in what you can control. You can’t control how she responds to you, but you can control how many women you talk to. So focus only on that.
Uh oh! I can hear you saying, “Ok, JT, this sounds good, but what do I give?”
Great question, and in the next post I’ll give you my formula.
I want this to sink in for you so you’re ready. So, for now, just think about how to approach women with the mindset that you’re going to give.
And I’d really like to know what you think about this whole “giving” thing. At least think about it, and I’d love it if you shared your thoughts in the comments.